I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
