It's Friday. Sex?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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