i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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