do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
