He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
