i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
