My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
