I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
