I heard we made out
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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