I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
