I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Text me some of your sweat
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
