Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
