Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
