Im at strip club and am horny
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
