my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
