One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
