Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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