Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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