My underwear smells like fireworks.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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