Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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