why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
