ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
