I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
