i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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