i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
