he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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