I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
