My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
