when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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