How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
