And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
