scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize