Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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