first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
