drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
