is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's always time for handjobs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
