I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
