So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
