he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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