The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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