how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
