my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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