"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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