I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
