He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
