So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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