well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
