i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
