My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
