I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
