Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
