She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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