sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
