I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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