Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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