Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
