after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
