Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
