awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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