I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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