i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
