your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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