I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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