She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
