We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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