hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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