I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
