the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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