I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
