I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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