I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
