toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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