I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
