I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
