i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
