I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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