So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
