Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
