Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
